Wireless!

Where Am I??

A helicopter was flying around above Bangalore when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said:  "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to Bangalore airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the IT Park, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." :)

What Will You Do Without Internet?

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7. I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

Google Knows All!

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom."
"Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

You've Got Mail

My friend went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
My friend looked at the neighbor and said:
"No, My computer keeps telling me I have mail"!!

Ideal 'Facebook' Profile of a Software Engineer

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am
contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my
work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my
engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly,
I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I
am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just
stop laughing!!")

Relationship status : what?

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
1111
111

Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly....

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag

Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software
engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: naukri.com, jobsahead.com – Isn't it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking
for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can't afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle

Funny Computer Definitions

KEYBOARD – Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
ROM – Where the pope lives
SCSI – What you call your week-old underwear
CHIP – Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
BAR CODE – Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern
BUG – The reason you give for calling in sick
DIGITAL – The art of counting on your fingers
CRASH – When you go to Junior’s party uninvited
ONLINE – Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
MAC – Big Bubba’s favorite fast food
TERMINAL – Time to call the undertaker
DISKETTE – Female Disco dancer
HARDCOPY – Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
SCREEN – Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SUPERCONDUCTOR – Amtrak’s Employee of the year

Software Hubby!

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) "Good evening Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn...
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!...
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use...
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

Three Influential Men and the End Of The World

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three influential humans, President Obama, Russian President, and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed.
"You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth.

Obama immediately called in his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a god. The bad news is God's really mad and plans to end the world in a week."

The Russia President announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a God after all. The worse news is God's mad and is going to end the world in a week."

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed.
"The better news is we don't have to fix Windows Vista."