What Will You Do Without Internet?

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7. I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

Google Knows All!

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom."
"Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

New Machine

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves;

They took it out to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

In UK , In 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;

In Spain , In 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;

In Ghana , in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves;

IN India , within 1 minute the machine was stolen.

Who is a Grandparent?

(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own but they like other people's.
• A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady!
• Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
• Grandparents are so old they shouldn't play hard or run but it is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
• Grandparents take us for walks and they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillers.
• Grandparents show us things and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on the sidewalk "cracks."
• Grandparents don't say, "Hurry up."
• Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
• Grandparents wear glasses and they can take their teeth and gums out.
• Grandparents always have time to answer our questions and they always know all the right answers to everything because they have lived a long time.
• When grandparents read to us, they don't skip and they don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
• Grandparents know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
• Everybody should try to have grandparents, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

Happy Birthday!

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.
My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"