Wireless!

Where Am I??

A helicopter was flying around above Bangalore when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said:  "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to Bangalore airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the IT Park, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." :)

What Will You Do Without Internet?

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7. I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

Google Knows All!

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom."
"Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

You've Got Mail

My friend went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
My friend looked at the neighbor and said:
"No, My computer keeps telling me I have mail"!!

Programmer Fixes a Car

There was an Engineer, a Manager and a Programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed, and the car careened down the road out of control.
Halfway down, the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment, and avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said. "To fix this problem, we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and though a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution".

The engineer said, "No that would take too long, and besides, that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here, and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it".

The programmer said , "I think you both are wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill, and see if it happens again".

Funny Computer Definitions...

KEYBOARD – Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
ROM – Where the pope lives
SCSI – What you call your week-old underwear
CHIP – Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
BAR CODE – Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern
BUG – The reason you give for calling in sick
DIGITAL – The art of counting on your fingers
CRASH – When you go to Junior’s party uninvited
ONLINE – Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
MAC – Big Bubba’s favorite fast food
TERMINAL – Time to call the undertaker
DISKETTE – Female Disco dancer
HARDCOPY – Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
SCREEN – Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SUPERCONDUCTOR – Amtrak’s Employee of the year

Newton's Laws of Software

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.


Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.


Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.


Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!

Car Breakdown

There are four engineers traveling in a car. One is a mechanical engineer, one a chemical engineer, one an electrical engineer and the other one an engineer from Microsoft.

The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again," says the mechanical engineer.

"Well," says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the Microsoft engineer who has said nothing and say.

They ask him, "What do you think?"

"Well, I think we should close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open the windows again."

Tech Support

Tech Support   : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer   : "Ok."
Tech Support   : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer   : "No."
Tech Support   : "Ok. Right click again. Do you   see a pop-up menu?"
Customer   : "No."
Tech Support   : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what  you have done up until this point?"
Customer   : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'  and I wrote 'click'."

JAVA Concepts - Just for Fun

What is Abstraction?

Hiding the complex details of implementation and showing what is required. Like a girl,

Who will never let u know, the complexity involved in her thinking mind, she will only tell u what she wants to tell, u have to understand her thought process, otherwise,

Relationship.Sleep(FOREVER) is called.

  

What is Inheritance?

 What was yours some days back will be your Girlfriend’s as well, like , PAISA , YOUR BIKE, YOUR TIME……..

She extends all the things which u have.

  

What is polymorphism?

 Same girl showing various extreme characters, like someday she will hate you, someday she wants to argue, someday she is nice.

Same girl showing various characters, depending upon the caller…….

If boyfriend calls==è he is CHEP

If ex calls è awwwww!!!!! He still cares for me.

If friends call===è I am so important to so many people.