§ Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It's TRUE! Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!
§ I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
§ Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
§ The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
§ In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
§ Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
§ A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your willpower."
§ Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
§ Young son: Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
§ A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
§ The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
§ First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
§ How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
§ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all!
§ If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
§ Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
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